Late Nights with Stu

I need to be more ambitious. Here I am five years out of high school, four years out of film school, and still have yet to do one thing I'm really proud of- film related or otherwise. Now I know what your saying. You're saying "STFU, you whiny schmuck! this is the internet, nobody cares!"

You're right, I'm sure, but this post is meant to be more of a forum for me to sort out my brain-hole, rather than me sharing brilliant and witty insights with you.

The point is, I know I'll never be content working a regular job, but I just can't seem to motivate myself to do anything else. I mean, what's that about? Am I afraid of failing? Am I still unsure of what I really want to do? Or am I just really lazy? Sometimes I get really good ideas for something, but then I never do anything with said ideas, forgetting them soon after. Or worse yet, I'll start it, then get stuck somewhere near the beginning and lose interest; leaving it for ages, never really sure where to go with it; how to continue etc.

I'm not meant to be poor, living on minimum wage, scrounging for cash. I'm meant to be able to go out and buy a nice tailored suit; to buy pretty dresses and jewelry for my future wife; to buy toys and comics galore, and have room to keep them all.

I feel I'm meant for more. I just need Focus. I need Drive. I need a Muse.

I need... something...