Megan Fox is a Whore (in this movie).

So last night I watched Jonah Hex. Never having read the comics and only being aware that Jonah Hex was a cowboy with an ugly face, I didn't have that annoying fan-boy moment that I usually have in comic book movies where I go "That's not how that goes! In issue blah blah blah...," which was kind of nice. That's basically how I would describe the movie, as well. Kind of nice to watch. Kinda. The story was pretty bad, It consisted of Jonah Hex (a bounty hunter who was a confederate soldier in the Civil War) trying to stop his old general (played by John Malkovitch), who had become a terrorist and a Weapon of Mass Destruction. I shit you not. This movie takes place six years after the civil war, or something like that, and they still worked in WMD's and terrorists. There was even a part where the president said that the Mexicans used to call Turnbull (Malkovitch) "la Terrorista." Fml.

The WMD was the stupidest thing ever, too. It was a cannon with a bunch of rotating barrels like a gatling gun, so it would fire off a bunch of regular looking cannon balls, then it would fire off what looked like Dragonball, which would explode and then make all the other cannonballs explode too, even though it was nowhere near them. And of course, it would make a mushroom cloud. My question is this, though. If John Malkovitch's character had all the Dragonballs, why didn't he just wish for ultimate power, instead of trying to shoot them from a cannon on Independence day, which gave Jonah Hex and his girlfriend (who was a whore, appropriately played by Megan Fox) to stop him? Seriously. One wish and he could have Kamehameha'd the shit out of everybody, and that I would have really enjoyed seeing.

Oh yeah, and Will Arnet was in it too, which was weird. They kind of set him up like he was going to be a semi-important character in the movie, and then we never see him again. What?

In conclusion, if you want to shut your brain off and watch a cowboy blow shit up with little crossbows that shoot dynamite, then this movie will satisfy. Just don't think about how the dynamite wouldn't have the smooth flight they have in the movie, because they have no fletching and aren't aerodynamic at all... and don't think about all the rest of the story too, I guess... It was pretty bad... If you see it on TV, or just don't have to pay money to see it, then you might want to do so. I mean, when have action movies really ever had a solid plot anyways?