Megan Fox is a Whore (in this movie).

So last night I watched Jonah Hex. Never having read the comics and only being aware that Jonah Hex was a cowboy with an ugly face, I didn't have that annoying fan-boy moment that I usually have in comic book movies where I go "That's not how that goes! In issue blah blah blah...," which was kind of nice. That's basically how I would describe the movie, as well. Kind of nice to watch. Kinda. The story was pretty bad, It consisted of Jonah Hex (a bounty hunter who was a confederate soldier in the Civil War) trying to stop his old general (played by John Malkovitch), who had become a terrorist and a Weapon of Mass Destruction. I shit you not. This movie takes place six years after the civil war, or something like that, and they still worked in WMD's and terrorists. There was even a part where the president said that the Mexicans used to call Turnbull (Malkovitch) "la Terrorista." Fml.

The WMD was the stupidest thing ever, too. It was a cannon with a bunch of rotating barrels like a gatling gun, so it would fire off a bunch of regular looking cannon balls, then it would fire off what looked like Dragonball, which would explode and then make all the other cannonballs explode too, even though it was nowhere near them. And of course, it would make a mushroom cloud. My question is this, though. If John Malkovitch's character had all the Dragonballs, why didn't he just wish for ultimate power, instead of trying to shoot them from a cannon on Independence day, which gave Jonah Hex and his girlfriend (who was a whore, appropriately played by Megan Fox) to stop him? Seriously. One wish and he could have Kamehameha'd the shit out of everybody, and that I would have really enjoyed seeing.

Oh yeah, and Will Arnet was in it too, which was weird. They kind of set him up like he was going to be a semi-important character in the movie, and then we never see him again. What?

In conclusion, if you want to shut your brain off and watch a cowboy blow shit up with little crossbows that shoot dynamite, then this movie will satisfy. Just don't think about how the dynamite wouldn't have the smooth flight they have in the movie, because they have no fletching and aren't aerodynamic at all... and don't think about all the rest of the story too, I guess... It was pretty bad... If you see it on TV, or just don't have to pay money to see it, then you might want to do so. I mean, when have action movies really ever had a solid plot anyways?

Late Nights with Stu, part... something or other.. 4 maybe?

Today I watched a bunch of Sesame Street videos. If I ever become famous, I think I would Like to be on Sesame Street. I reccomend you all watch some right now. Go to Youtube, and watch Patrick Stewart tell the number one to "Make it So!" Here, I'll even Link it for you, so you don't have to search for it yourself. Here you go! While you're there make sure to check out the 'B or not a B' soliliquy. Funny stuff.

I've jsut now realized that I am too tired to finish this. Sorry, gang, I'll try to think of something funny to say for the next post, but until then, Welcome to Earf! *punches alien in its stupid alien face*

Oh wait! That was premature! Also look at this!



That's our snake Francis eating. Gross, huh? anyhoo...

Robots and Farms.

I wish I owned a copy of Harvest Moon. I always got pretty bored with it, but I would like to give it another shot, now that I'm older. For those who don't know what it is, allow me to explain. It's a video game. Explained! The point of this game is (as Lance said in his Vlog, and I think is the most apt description of the game I have ever heard) to run around and farm and try to make a girl fall in love with you. I don't really remember it that well, but I know people who would play for hours on end.

You should check out Lance's YouTube channel, by the way. He's a funny Canadian dude living in Japan, although he keeps wearing these douchey sunglasses. Japanananananan.

Another game I'd really like to play again is Megaman 64 (or Megaman Legends, if you play the Playstation version)This game was pretty big departure from previous (and later) Megaman game, as it is a 3D platformer, rather than a side scroller, and focuses mainly on treasure hunting and dungeon exploration, rather than defeating elemental themed bad guys and stealing their powers. In this game, you need to find bits of junk that your sister Roll will turn into items and upgrades for you. All in all a really fun little game, with humour, puzzles and action. I highly recommend it. You can even turn Megaman black by doing bad things! How cool is that? check it out, lamerz. In fact, you should probably just go and play every Megaman game, cuz they are all pretty rad.



Until next time, dear readers, get the hell off my lawn.

My Fair Turtle.

Ahem. Cough cough.

I am really not good at posting regularly. I expect it has something to do with every day being virtually the same: get up, peruse the interwebz for funny stuff and jobs, play video games, eat, sleep, and repeat. there is very little interpersonal contact, so some part of my brain is not being properly stimulated. No, I don't know which part! Do I look like some kind of brain doctor to you? Of course not.

I should really start leading into these things with my intended topic, because I keep forgetting what they are. I expect it was either something funny, or something geeky. Balls if I can remember, though.



I miss the Ninja Turtles. sure, I have the show on dvd, and numerous action figures, and comics and all that, but i really miss the excitement I felt as a kid when it came on, and I always knew when it was on, despite not being able to tell time. I remember sitting in front of my TV, eagerly awaiting the end of the credits for "Days of our Lives," which then I knew as "the hourglass show;" due to the hourglass that spins while the words crawl across the screen. i remember singing along to the theme song quite clearly too, although I'm sure that I had the lyrics wrong. Whatever. It was good enough for me. Nothing else ever got me as excited as the Turtles, and to this day, nothing ever really has. This may sound silly, but the Ninja Turtles mean more to me than most people. It goes: Girlfriend, select family and friends, Ninja Turtles, everyone else.



Now, I have many action figures, (which I think are super cool, and if you disagree, then, well, I don't really care to know you) but the ones I'm really proud of are my Turtles. I will take those with me to the grave. Move over Spidey, 'cause the Turtles need more shelf space, biatch! See? I'll even call Spider-Man a "biatch," thats how cool I think the Turtles are.

So, last year I bought a plush Donatello from the Value Village where I worked and the cashier asked me why I was buying it, I responded with something along the lines of "I collect toys, especially Ninja Turtles," (although I may not have said the Turtles Part out loud)to which she replied "That's embarrassing." Suffice to to say I was highly offended, not just because it means that she thought my hobby, and thus a large part of who I am was an embarrassment, but because it felt like an attack on some of my warmest childhood memories. Let it be noted however, that I harbor no ill -will towards the maker of that comment. She could not have possibly known why I like Ninja Turtles so much, or what they mean to me.



Anyways, this was rather personal post, wasn't it? Neat-o. I'm gonna watch me some TMNT. The Polls seem to be working again, so vote for your favorite Ninja Turtle! Hooray! Now get offa my lawn!