Not okay

I'm not okay.

I haven't been okay for a while, but in the last few weeks it has become increasingly difficult to get through each day.

Logically I know I need to seek help- speak with my doctor, maybe see about seeing a therapist or some such- buy I just can't bring myself there. It's stupid, and to be perfectly frank, it's selfish: it affects everyone around me, particularly my wife, which in turn makes me feel worse.

Depression is vicious cycle (side note: I nearly said it was a viscous cycle. Hah!) and I hate the way it gnaws away at everything i am and want to be, but I just have this illogical and stubborn streak that keeps telling me I can deal with it myself, which clearly isn't true. I'm spiraling down into the molasses-like sludge (there's that viscosity I must have been thinking of earlier) of utter despair and hopelessness and can't even bring myself to do anything about it.