This Quest is too hard...

I've always wanted to be famous. And rich. Ever since I was a little kid. The means by which I've wanted to accomplish this have changed from time to time (Rock star, actor, writer, filmmaker, etc.), but the desire has been there for a very, very long time.

Turns out, it's pretty damn hard to do, especially when you are as lazy as I am.

Speaking of being lazy (if you thought this post was going to be a rant on how hard it is to get famous, then HA HA! I fooled you.) I did nothing this week. I know, what a surprise, right? Well, laugh it up, Fuzzballs, 'cuz that's all going to change starting right Meow. That's right, you heard it here first, suckas. Starting tomorrow, September 26 2010, at whatever time I roll out of bed (probably between 11:00 and Noon), I, Stuart Reginald Phoenix (my middle name is not "Reginald"), am going to start doing... Stuff!

Shock! Amaze! Cardiac Arrest!

I'll start slow. You know, baby steps and all that. I intend to leave my apartment at least once a day! No, no. There's no need to applaud, I just think think the world could use a little more exposure to me. I've been depriving the good people of Vancouver my presence, and for that I apologize, but it's one of those really insincere apologies where you can totally tell I'm just doing it to be polite.

Oh, hey! I just thought of a joke! I'm so lazy, if i were a Pokemon, I'd be a Snorlax! HAH!

Shut up...

Speaking of Pokemon, check out this hilarious (at least, I thought so) fan trailer for a [fake] live-action Pokemon Movie!

More Zelda, Pls.

So after my previous post, I decided to re-play Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. It is many times easier than I remembered it being, and, in a way, I am a little disappointed. I'm still having a blast though, mainly because I am endlessly amused by the fact that I still remember many of the songs. As much fun as I am having, however, the two main problems with the game have have reared their ugly heads and have already begun to annoy the hell out of me.

The first is, of course, Navi, Link's little fairy companion who says "hey!" and "Hey! Listen!" throughout the entire fucking game, only to give you completely useless information when you actually do bother to talk to her. Not really a problem, I guess, just annoying as all hell.

The second Problem is the lack of control over the camera. I just want to be able to rotate the camera so can see what the hell I'm doing. that's all. Nothing major, but there are just times when it would mean the difference between life and death.

Still an awesome game though; until recently it was the only Zelda game I had ever beaten. I have since beaten Twilight Princess, which was a lot of fun. I might even like it more than I like Ocarina.

You know what creeps me out though? the Great Fairies in Ocarina. They are absolutely terrifying. I've had nightmares, seriously. Their creepy laughter when you summon them, the sparkles that fly out of the vaginas when they give you powers... Stuff of horror, I tells ya.



See? See? Nightmares! Guaaaaaah!

Interesting Title

Remember those cookies I was talking about? They were awesome. You should be jealous, that's how good they were.

Moving on...

Here's something that has been bugging the hell out of me lately. Have you noticed that lately fewer and fewer movies seem to be coming out that are actually fairly original ideas? They all seem to be remakes of tv shows from the 80's, or based on a book, or a comic, or a remake of an original movie, or SOMETHING. Now, I'm sure that now that I've said this you are all thinking of a bajillion movies to throw at me that are nice original storyline with unique characters, however, the ones that are advertised relentlessly, the ones I see the most? Such is not the case, friends, and I don't know why, but I find it very unsettling, as though all the originality in movies is dying out. I mean, I know movies have been made based on books and what-not since, well, since they started making movies... I dunno. Just something I've noticed.

Speaking of movies being based on stuff, check out this trailer the folks at IGN.com put together for a fake Legend of Zelda movie. It looks amazing. Someone needs to convince Nintendo that this movie would make huge amounts of dollarz. Check it out here.

Well, that's all I got for now. However, I would like to know who you think would make a good Link, or Zelda, or Gannondorf if they were to do a movie. And if you don't know who those characters are, then you probably have no reason to be reading this, and might not have any reason for being my friend.


Until next time, Get offa my lawn, you damn kids!

Oops!

Soooo... I kinda forgot about my blog. That's my bad, Faithful Reader(s). However, I'm back, and still unemployed! Hooray! so what happened this month? Funny you should ask that, because I planned on telling you anyway. So... what happened...

Not a lot, really. Surprise!

I made cookies tonight, which turned out awesome. Peanut butter oatmeal, bitches! I have no cookie sheet (we accidentally melted plastic onto our last one) so I had to build one out of tin foil. I rolled the sides up to make it a little stiffer and everything. Fear my improvisational kitchen wizardry! Muahaha! Soon all shall cower before my Tin Foil cookie sheet... OF DOOM!

So, there hasn't really been anything going on lately. I've recently become addicted to a game called Robot Unicorn Attack . I think the name itself will tell you how awesome it is. So far my high score is 71,200, and I haven't come close to beating it. You guys should play it, because it is probably the most awesome thing since awesome was invented. Yeah.

Other than that, nothing really new going on in my life. Amanda goes to Vegas tomorrow, which will suck because then I'll be all by my self until Sunday. Yeah, I'm that selfish. On the plus side, I'll get her bus pass while she's gone, so I'll be able to do stuff, or junk, or whatever.

I've also inked a couple of pictures, which I haven't done for months. We ran out of ink for our printer, so I couldn't print any new stuff out. It was all very unfortunate. Check it out!

It's Spawn! he's so zany, with his living costume and being a dead guy and all that. Pencils by Ric.


Megaman! Megaman is probably one of my favorite video game characters. Who wouldn't love a guy who's fist turns into a big ass gun and can steal defeated enemies powers? I don't know who drew this, it was on some forum where people don't have real names.

Until next time, get outta my corn field!

In my little apartment.

In my little apartment I sit,
Tracing over lines that someone else drew.
I have little talent of my own;
I can draw a pretty mean stick-ninja,
and on occasion I can say something clever.
I know plenty of facts about things that, while interesting,
are of little use to anyone.

I can pose an action figure;
I can mix Iced Tea.
I can even organize my comic books alphabetically
by publisher, author and title.
I have an uncanny ability to tell a bad joke
at the most inappropriate times; many of which
are in delightfully poor taste.

In my little apartment I sit,
with my head planted firmly on the desk,
hands tightly grasping my hair
(which is quite thick and lustrous, by the way)
while my brain stews in it's thick and savory sauce.
It could use a dash of salt, and maybe some chili powder.

Bananaman Moves Forward.

Sorry for the infrequency of posts, Scooby Gang. I've been busy/lazy/hungry/coupla' other things.

Let's get the cool stuff out of the way first. we have had two days of shooting for Bananaman, and it looks totally adequate! Hooray! That is a lot better than terrible! Actually, it looks pretty good. We're about halfway through the script, and the rest should be a cakewalk. I hope. We decided to make it black and white, because it makes the lighting look better film look artsier. I'm pretty excited to see what how the rest of the shoot goes. One thing I learned: that banana suit is warm. Like, crazy warm. You could use that thing for a sleeping bag when you camping in March kind of warm. The things I do for my art. Speaking of things I do, the shoot yesterday made my mouth taste like styrofoam. I won't tell you why though, you'll just have to see the flick; coming to a Film Festival near you! And if it isn't, well then, send me money and I'll send you a DVD, maybe.


Man, I totally had more stuff to talk about tonight, but I can't remember what they were. I got so caught up in talking about Bananaman and learning how to do this that I totally forgot. Ah well.

Until next time, Welcome to Earf!

Damnit, Google.

Sorry gang, it looks like Google broke their Polling code when they did a new release a month or so ago, so for now, I'm going to take the poll down. hopefully this gets resolved soon.

The All New, All Different X-Men...er... Stu's Blog!!

Well hello again, Internet! Nice to see you again! Have a seat! Are you hungry? Have you eaten? I could rustle up a quiche...

I've added some gizmos to my blog, because... I could really. No other reason.

The first gizmo is the least interesting. I've added a search bar, so you can search for stuff I've talked about in the past without having to go through all the posts! Convenient, yeah?

The second is only slightly more interesting. At the bottom of each post, I've added a thingie-majigger so you can share my posts with your friends on Facebook or Twitter or whatever. Cool huh? This means you should start sharing my stuff, because the more people read this blog, the cooler I will feel. And also, a fairy gets it's fairy dust whenever someone reads it, so lets get those fairies dusted, alright?

that sounds like I put a hit out on fairies or something, but I assure you, that is not what I meant.

The third (and coolest) gizmo I have added is by far my favorite. I added a Poll! I'm going to try to think of a new question every week, and I welcome your ideas.

That's all for now kids. Now go away, I'm readin' "Super Fudge!"

Late Nights With Stu. (Third in an ongoing series)

It is almost two o'clock in the A.M. and i have just finished watching the Star Trek movie that came out last year. I really dig it. But enough about me. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourself? Uh-huh... Really?

I'm not interested.

So lately I've been trying to figure out which area of my body is the most uncomfortable when it sweats, and I'm thinking that it just might be the back of my knees. I dunno, I'm probably just saying that because they are currently sweaty and I'm not enjoying it. I'm sure there are places on my body that are even more uncomfortable when I sweat, but right now all I can think about is how gross this feels right now.

Now aren't you glad I wasn't interested in what you had to say, so I could share that tasty tidbit with you? Don't answer, your silence is thanks enough. And also, orange you glad I didn't say banana? Ha HA! Its funny! this is the part where you laugh at my ridiculous Internet antics! Good times...

Speaking of bananas... They are delicious. Eat some and grow strong from their potassium-y goodness. Like Bananaman would. Check him out.


Yes, kiddies, it is true. I was not the first person to realize that "Bananaman" sounds funny, nor will I be the last. It was actually a cartoon in the eighties, based on a British cartoon strip, and it's five minute episodes were shown alongside the likes Dangermouse. It is chock full of what we expect from kids cartoons in the eighties: silliness, bad animation, and awful jokes. Now, I realize that "awful jokes" kind of falls under the umbrella of "silliness," but eighties cartoons generally had enough bad jokes to warrant it's own category. Deal with it.

You can find episodes of Bananaman on youtube, and they are totally worth it. I know I laughed. Also, a little fun fact for youse guys: If you google "Bananaman Teaser" the first video to pop up has me in it. Bananaman (my version). This is it. Tell your friends.

Late Nights With Stu (again)

So, I'm sitting in my underwear, wondering if I should try going back to bed, or whether I should pop in a movie and grab some Fruit Loops ( or rather the in-store brand we bought, which they call "Silly Circles.") and try to figure out exactly why they keep putting Keanu Reeves in movies that have nothing to do with Bill & Ted. He's just so expressionless. Emote, damnit! Now this is not to say I don't like his movies. I just find them mildly painful. And by mildly, I mean sometimes his acting makes me want to bash my head repeatedly against the wall to see if it will somehow improve upon his performance.**



Buuuuuut, he knows Kung-Fu, so that's all that really matters.

In other news, no development on the RPG gaming front, which sucks, but I think I'll be okay. I'll just drown myself in Slurpees and video games until I'm as smart as this guy:


Until next time, kids,
Get offa my Lawn!

**It does not

Long over-due Bananaman Updates

So, it's been a little while since I told you guys anything about what's going on with Bananaman. Basically, I've been super lazy, and done anything. BUT! BUT! Fear not, Bananafans! I'm ready to shoot it, pretty much. I just have to clean up my entire apartment! Oh, yeah, and set a shoot date and get the Banana suit ready for the action scenes, but i plan on getting that all worked out this week. I'm going to try to get this thing ready for the middle of August at the very latest. I promise. And if I break that promise, then screw you, I'm lazy.

Seriously, though. I'll try. Just for you guys.




Now, get off of my lawn!

Reunited. (And it Feels So Good)

Say what you want about that song, but it is very important, since it sells us things on TV all the time. If you don't know what song I'm talking about, then I suggest you read the title of this post, as it directly relates to the subject matter of this particular post. If you don't feel like reading the title of this post, then... um...

Look over there! A Unicorn!


Oh sorry, it was just a regular horse.

So today I hung out with Kate, who has been my friend, well, since I was born. I'm not exaggerating, either. Really. What made this time so blog-worthy? Well, the last time we saw each other was nearly ten years ago. Yeah, nearly half our lives, when you think about it. The cool part was is we managed to talk for nearly three hours. I can talk a lot, apparently. My voice is actually hoarse. HaHa. Hoarse. It sounds like Horse, which was in my joke. It all ties in! Hilarious.

Anyway, it was cool. And you know what else is cool, kids? Reading my Blog. So if you read it, you're one of us cool kids.

One of us! One of us! One of us!

Withdrawal

Oh man, it has been a long time since I posted. I'm not very good at this, apparently.

So I'm currently going through withdrawals. Not from drugs, like most people who write about their symptoms, but from Gaming. I like to play pen and paper role-playing games, like Dungeons and Dragons and such. Since moving here, the amount of gaming I do has been drastically reduced from playing once or twice a week to... well, pretty much never. What kind of symptoms could I be having? Well, I'm constantly bored, I spend my day reading the rule books and making characters. I've been doing this almost every day for nearly a month now. If only my computer didn't suck so much, I would try playing with my friends via webcam.

I've been thinking that to get over this overwhelming desire to play, I should try posting an add on craigslist, or something. the more i think about it though, the creepier (and more pathetic) that sounds. Maybe I'll try going to a hobby store nearby, and seeing if I can join a group. I've got to do something, because this is getting ridiculous.


In other news, I've decided that I need to make a full-length feature. The big problem with features, though, is that they tend to require money, and usually more than a three person crew. Also, I don't have the attention span needed to bang out 90 pages. I can barely do four. But hot damn, I would like to do it. We'll see. Maybe I can come up with an idea, and then carry that idea tenderly to the page. Then very gently stroke that Idea's hair while it sleeps, and whisper encouraging (and moderately sexual) things in it's ear. Maybe.